So Many What Ifs...

I realize it has been some time since our last update.  Things were tough for us the days following our failed trip out to Boston.  We tried to spend some time not thinking about it, not thinking about anything.  Maybe it was disbelief or denial that all this could be happening to us.  Maybe it was the surmounting stress of everything that we were feeling at the time.  We tried to simply get away from it for a few days and focus on Zoey and ourselves.  We realized quickly, however, that while you can shut your mind off at times along the journey your legs continue to carry you further down the road and it doesn't take long for obstacles to present themselves to snap you back into reality.

The last month has been filled with doctor appointments, more ultrasounds, another echo cardiogram, blood work, and stress tests.  Beth has been admitted to the hospital's triage area twice in the last month for extended monitoring.  Once for further signs of pre-term labor and again for Shawn being unresponsive during an ultrasound.  I've felt him kick like Chuck Norris and Beth says he moves around like an Olympic gymnast in there so they must have caught him in a nap that day.  Each time we were discharged after several hours and free to go home but they take a major hit towards our mental and emotional state.

As far as Shawn and how his condition is progressing, it continues to worsen.  With each ultrasound he grows bigger and bigger and he is already past 5 lbs, but that is where the silver lining ends.  During Shawn's  last echo they were able to confirm that his atrial septum is completely intact and there is zero communication and no way to mix oxygenated blood between the upper chambers.  His left atrium is also considerably small relative to his condition.  That creates accessibility and safety concerns when trying to open the atrial septum after delivery.  He is already showing signs of thickening and dilation in his pulmonary veins as well as developing abnormalities in his lungs due to the extreme pressure.  The doctors have told us that he will not make it out of the delivery room alive without some unprecedented levels of emergent intervention.  They are currently in the midst of evaluating different options, organizing mock trial runs, and developing a delivery and immediate care plan for Beth and Shawn.  Due to the immense level of coordination this delivery will require they have said they will likely be pushing our delivery up to 37 - 38 weeks to minimize the risk of Beth going into labor early.  We have another echo scheduled tomorrow morning and we will get a chance to sit down with the cardiologists and see what they come up with.

We are in uncharted medical waters here in the severity of Shawn's condition and our level of resolve to fight even for the slightest chance that he can survive and be the beautiful, thriving baby boy that Beth and I see in our dreams.  There are so many what ifs at the moment.  We are hoping to be able provide a more specific update tomorrow.